I wrote this post in July 2013, and it is now 5 months later, December, almost 2014. It is pretty awesome to look back and see how far I have come, and to see how I am now currently dealing with those very situations I mentioned I would be experiencing. This only makes me so much more grateful for all those days that were hard… because of them, I get to be stronger today. Healthy is not something I wish to be anymore… it is what I am <3
“The same things will continue to happen to you in life, until you have learned the lesson you are supposed to learn.”
Hi, my name is Kayla, and gosh darn it this nutrition lifestyle is NOT easy when distractions are around!! I have spent this entire summer working on ME, and it has been the best thing I could have done for myself. It is my dream and goal to have the most beyond FIT body (according to my standards). My PASSION is fitness- it absolutely has my heart- so trust me, getting this butt in the gym isn’t the hard part! And to be honest, the nutrition part isn’t the grueling part either… I absolutely love it, actually! It makes me happy, makes me feel amazing about myself! But you know what has made this process so great so far? Well… I lived alone all summer… I had no Internet… no TV… really, no friends lived in town… All I had to think about was fitness and nutrition! There were NO DISTRACTIONS!! Oh so nice! But lonely… HA! Needless to say, although amazing, I am not committed to living that way forever. Which means coming home, to an air conditioned house, a big comfy bed, food at my disposal, family and friends who aren’t eating and living the same lifestyle, TV, internet, YOU NAME IT, is now all very loudly present in my life. Now, if anyone knows me, I am a YES girl. I want to do for others and help and say yes to anything to make every one happy, quick to putting aside my schedule and standards to do so, without even realizing it. Well, let me just tell you, as nice as it is to be there for others- realizing at the end of the day that I did not take care of myself first, is not the greatest feeling.
So, this is me, at 1:22 AM not being able to sleep. I’ve had my second big cheat night in three days… and did not workout today. I have spent my entire night feeling like shit, beating myself up, went to bed at 9 PM because I was mad and did not want to be around anyone, taking out the fact that I didn’t love myself in that moment on my family around me, who loves me more than anything and would do anything to help… Hi!
But this is also me, acknowledging that all this time beating myself up, thinking I’m going backwards, mad at myself and depressed, is only wasted time. All of these things I am feeling are a choice, as is my happiness… so instead, I am committed to creating it. Hello!
Although these feelings suck- I am thankful for them. Without these feelings of frustration and disapointment, I would not be able to grow. My journey to becoming fit can not always be solved by isolating myself from the world… I am going to have to face it all- the people, the distractions, the choices- and I am going to have to be strong enough to say NO… to stick to my commitments, even with all the temptation!
Honestly, I am blessed to be enduring this journey in such baby steps, and truly believe God has perfectly designed and created it in a way that I WILL achieve success- carefully placing obstacles in my way, one by one, so that I learn the lesson I am supposed to, in order to grow in my journey.
First I am alone for the summer, nothing but me, myself, and no other option for food in my fridge but healthy… not to mention, completely broke. Perfect, easy. Now I am home… with my beautiful family, that I love to eat with, who love to feed me… with every option of food to eat that you can think of. But still, beyond supportive- stalking the fridge with everything I need and committed to help with cooking and preparing anything I need! Every time I have come home, I have grown in this lesson that I need to learn. The first time this summer, I ate everything in site. Leaving feeling horrible. The second, committed to not feeling that way again- much better… but still, slacking on the little things, like portions and not low-fat options, which I knew would be big things soon enough. So still, not feeling great. And now this time… which I can proudly say has been world of a difference from the first version of me that came home. I grocery shopped, making sure the house was stalked with everything I need, all the way down to the littlest of detail. I am on a time schedule, and eating my appropriate meals and snacks during the day, with my beautiful new food scale to keep portions spot on J.
I am proud of how far I have come, but in no way satisfied. Fact is, in about a month, it’s back to school… where the schedule gets busier… and the people and distractions grow TRAMENDOUSLY. I will be surrounded by people making choices that do not suit my goals, constantly tempted with a good time- yummy food, alcohol and friends… and not to mention the occasional drunken night where I will not be giving one heck about what I am eating in the moment…
So- to all of that that I have to look forward to as a challenge in my fitness journey… I say THANK YOU to this moment- right now. For making me feel like shit enough to teach me a lesson that I NEED to be STRONGER. That I need to realize the things I say to convince myself that it is ‘ok to eat this’ is an EXCUSE. A LIE. And that I NEED to be my COMMITMENT, through the distractions and the temptations, in order to create the peace and happiness in my life that I desire!
I AM Healthy. I AM Fit. I AM committed to my goals- and committed to the sacrifices I need to make in order to meet them. I am Imperfectly Perfect. I BELIEVE in me. I realize that every moment, proud or disappointed, is a lesson. I am my Truth… Therefore, I AM FREE. <3